“It’s just a test, just a heartbreak, just a job. It doesn’t change who you are or where you will go in life. You fail a test you take it again, you lose a partner you find yourself, you lose a job you find a career. People stress over things that don’t even matter.”
I know this tumblr has been sort of lame lately but I’ve been trying to put myself back together since my break up. It’s been a bit of a rough road but I’ve met some phenomenal people along the way. I don’t know how I could have done it without them. I know majority of them won’t be able to read this but I feel better at least putting this out there.
It’s been an interesting four months to say the least. I’ve had good days, and some bad. I’ve cried, laughed, gotten really angry… the WHOLE nine yards. If I wasn’t single I wouldn’t have been able to be close with the people I am now and that pains me to think about. My friends are my world and I have to say thank you to every single one of them.
I know break-up’s are tough… BELIEVE ME. You don’t want to know what I was like. If anyone is having an issue with a breakup try looking at the positives that happened since you broke up! I can name a few
- I’m more like my old self again bubbly, talkative, LOUD. I lost myself a bit in my relationship. I got so wound up in the stress of it all I forgot about living my life.
- I’ve met some phenomenal people and got closer with the people I let slip away. They all know who they are so I’m not naming names but they’re all great and they never fail to put a smile on my face. Always there when I need them, and I hope they know I’m always here for them.
- I’ve had some time to re-evaluate who I am and make changes to parts of me that I’m not exactly a fan of. For example patience and I have never really seen eye to eye. Without going into the dirty details we’ve compromised and worked out our issues.
- MOST importantly I’ve gotten closer to myself. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone else but I get it so that’s all that matters!
I wasn’t able to think like that before, I was a big ol’ debbie downer. It’s so energy consuming! Feeling sorry for yourself, wondering why, what did i ever do wrong, it’s all my fault. Don’t get me wrong I still have those days but they are far less frequent than before.
There are still plenty of things I need to work on but it’ll all come with time. I’m just living my life and enjoying it. Everything happens for a reason, whether we understand it right away or some time later. There is always a reason.
I’ve had this quote in my head since my mom said it to me in my rough state of December “If you love something let it go. If it comes back it’s meant to be”.
Lots of love,
So today I woke up early even though I didn’t have any classes and decided to hit the gym. I had a great workout but that’s not the point of my post. After the gym I went to the bus stop and saw an elder standing there waiting for the bus. He started talking to me so we talked a little then I saw another bus coming that I could take so I tried to run to it… but I missed it. So I walked back to the older gentleman and initially started talking about the busses here. He then got to telling me about his life. Little did I know I just started talking to one of the sweetest men in the world. He had been through so much, and currently has prostate cancer. He says he is still going strong though. This is the first day out of his house since November because the injection he got made him feel so ill. He told me he spent 10.5 years in the Navy in Scotland. He said he travelled all over, China, India I don’t even remember where else. He said he came to Canada with four dollars in his pocket and had to hunt in order to survive. He drove to Victoria BC and back and said he would never forget it. Up to 2 years ago he played golf regularly. This man is 93 years old! He was telling me about what he did while he was on duty in India, China and Germany. He told me how he got into ballroom dancing and that was how he met his wife. They apparently won competitions all over the world.
Listening to this man talk made me think and quite honestly almost brought me to tears. He seemed so happy talking about his life and what he did with it it made me realize when I’m older I want to be able to do the same. I met a life changing man today, I don’t know if he knew he was or not but I’m so blessed to have met him. Thank you God for allowing me to meet him and get to know him. And thank you John for sharing your story with me. :)
So where I’m from we just had our reading week and I got to spend the whole week at home with my family. Now, that may seem boring and uneventful to some of you but I promise you it wasn’t for me. I got to do some serious soul searching and reflection.
I spent most of this week with my mom, my best friend, and we went shopping, we sat around and talked, drank wine, watched tv, just really got to hang out with one another again. While I was with her she made me realize my importance and how important it is to still hold my head high even though I may be feeling kinda crappy now because of things going on with my non-existant relationship. So I got new clothes, jewellery, a bathing suit just things to make me feel pretty again.
Some people may just use a shopping trip like that to get new things and basically add to their wardrobe, but I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to use this to make myself happy (not in a materialistic way) but help my soul. I didn’t go and buy slutty tops and skirts that I knew guys would love. I bought shirts, pants… whatever that made me feel beautiful since that is how everyone deserves to feel.
It’s been an emotional roller coaster in the crazy brain of mine but things are going okay. I found out that this weekend there is supposed to be a huge snowstorm in the north eastern coast of the US… exactly where I would have been if we were still dating. I don’t think I would have been able to make it home if I was visiting. So thinking about it, maybe God stopped us from dating because he knew if I visited during my reading week I couldn’t have gotten home. Which would not be good considering I have an 8:30 class Monday morning.
For those of you who may have just broken up with someone, just try to think about that. This quote has stuck by me the whole way and I find myself repeating it to myself when I start stressing about everything that happened
“Everything happens for a reason.”
Live by it. Remember it. It will help.
If anyone needs someone to talk to or anything. I am here. I know how hard this stuff is and I wouldn’t want someone going through it alone. So send me a message I promise I don’t bite! :)
I haven’t posted since my little rant and I’m kind of feeling another one so disregard if you would like.
So I haven’t posted in a while. Some stuff has gone down and I’m not exactly down on making it public all over tumblr. But I have some stuff I’d just like to get off my chest so bare with me while I have a bit of a vent.
Thinking back on myself this past semester I wasn’t really being me. I got caught up in the drama and stresses of life. Personal, social, emotional, academic… I let it get the best of me. I wasn’t being the person I normally am, it’s hard to explain because I didn’t change who I was… I just hid it.
I’ve been able to do some serious reflection while on break and a whole ton of crying. I’ve realized who I want to be. Who I want to be seen as and ultimately solved my personal problems.
I want to be more patient, more relaxed, just live my life, more optimistic, open minded, I don’t want to hold any grudges. Things happen for a reason and people will do things in times of stress and we can’t get upset over things like that. I don’t want to stay angry at people, it wastes too much energy. I pray for my friends and family every night, I pray for even those who have hurt me. I can say I honestly hope for the best for everyone who has impacted my life and that is from the bottom of my heart.
I could be sitting here upset at some people, but I can say that I’m not. I know I’m not perfect, so why would I expect other people to be? Things happen… people snap. That’s life. No need to continuously be angry at them for being upset. That is how they’re feeling and that is okay.
I promise to forgive but never forget. I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt because they deserve it. I want to help people if they ever need it, in any way possible. I want to be someone who people want to confide in. Ultimately I want to help people.
I am making myself a better person. It started this year and it will only improve.
A lot has been going on in this mind of mine and I had to get it all out there. A part of me is hoping that someone will read this, but I doubt it.